Elizabeth Smart

So last week I started reading the Elizabeth Smart story, written by Elizabeth Smart herself.  At the age of 14 she was kidnapped out of her bed in the middle of the night by a man and woman, and kept as a "wife" and "handmaiden" in the mountains of Utah and the desert of California for nine months before she was rescued.  She endured extreme weather conditions, days without food or water, being chained to a tree, threatened, and sexually assaulted over and over again.  I actually started it and finished it in one day (just don't ask me if anything else got done,  pretty sure my kids and husband survived on popcorn and cereal and spent the day rolling around in piles of unfolded laundry).  It was a quick and easy read, word wise, not so much emotion wise.  Emotionally it was draining and terrifying, but also full of hope and healing.  It has now been more than 10 years since her kidnapping, and after her rescue she went on to college, to serve an LDS mission, and has since been married in an LDS temple.  Elizabeth's perspective is so much greater than I think mine would be.  I want to share part of the ending chapter that touched me and that I've thought about numerous times.  

She states:

As of this writing, I am 25 years old.  I have been alive for 307 months.  Nine of those months were pretty terrible.  But 298 of those months have been very good.  I have been happy.  I have been very blessed.  Who knows how many more months I have to live? But even if I died tomorrow, nine out of 307 seems like pretty good odds.

I have had this paragraph rolling around in my head since I read it.  I'd say nine of those months were more than "pretty terrible."  They were full of the most violating, traumatizing, dehumanizing things a person can experience.  And yet, she has the perspective to say nine out of 307 is pretty good odds.  We all have our deserts, our dark times.  Ours might not be as public as Elizabeth's, they might not seem as heavy, but for each individual our dark times can be overwhelming.  As we come out of those dark times, as we move towards healing, what a beautiful blessing it would be to have the perspective that Elizabeth Smart has been able to achieve.  

To be able to say, yeah, that was pretty terrible.  But nine out of 307 ain't bad.

Searching

It's Friday.
Bless America.

I saw clients yesterday.  A lot of them.  And it's always a humbling experience to sit in with people in their darkness, to honor their pain.  It is frustrating to watch people sit in their problems like a hot tub and just swim around in them for a while without doing anything to get out of the hot water.  And it is amazing to watch people shift their thinking, rewrite their stories, and turn their heartaches into beautiful strengths.  Seeing clients makes me reevaluate myself and my relationships, and reminds me that though our gender, or race, or religion, or sexuality, or marital status, or income may be different, we all share the same basic human experience.

Every person is seeking meaning and happiness.  The details are different, the big picture is the same. That's what it all boils down to.

How are you coming along on that search?

You are His

I feel the need to say thank you.  Thank you to those readers and friends who have been supportive and kind.  Let me give you some background, and this is going to get really personal.

I love to write.  I used to blog daily (years ago), and I have always been a story teller.  Not the kind of story teller that's a big fat liar (oh, she's a "story teller"), but just someone who can take an ordinary event and make it into a big, long, entertaining story.  Everyone in my family is like this, it's one of our family traits.  I think I'm the worst at it out of everyone in the fam, but that's an entirely different post altogether.

For the past few months I have been feeling more and more like I need to be writing again.  I have felt...compelled, I guess is the best way to say it.  And as I've thought about it, and tried to figure out how much time to put into it, and how to pursue it, I have found myself becoming discouraged.  I have been swimming in self-doubt and insecurity, and it's been confusing to me.  Why in the world would I be feeling so unsure?  It is just a blog!  No one cares if I write, or what I write.  If you feel like writing, Nikki, just write!  But time after time those dark voices would whisper that I wasn't good enough and shouldn't even try.

I had a conversation with my sister, Calee, who really helped me put things in perspective.  She reminded me that one of the most influential tools Satan uses in our life is self-doubt and fear.  And that if I really knew I was a daughter of God, if I really knew He was aware of me, that those dark voices would be quieted, and would not have as much influence on my decisions.

So, I hit my knees.  I asked Heavenly Father to remind me that He knows me.  I asked Him to remind me of my gifts, and to help me discover how He would have me use them.

Later that day, my prayer was answered.

I received a text from an old friend (who I do not talk with regularly) telling me how much she loved reading my blog and how uplifting it was to her. I felt God's love as I read her words.

Moments later, I received an email from another friend who I haven't been in touch with since high school (besides the sporadic liking each other's Facebook posts), telling me that she felt she needed to write and tell me how much she appreciates my posts.  She said that she knows it is difficult to make time to write every day, but that my posts have been helping her get through a difficult time.  Again, I felt like Heavenly Father was reminding me that there are reasons I've felt compelled to be writing.

Just a few minutes after I received that email, I got another email from a woman at church (my Relief Society President).  I am fairly new in our ward, and I don't know many people well.  I have chatted with this woman once or twice, but that is the extent of our interaction.  In her email she wrote that I had been on her mind lately, and that she felt she needed to tell me that I am special, and that Heavenly Father knows and loves me.

As I read through her email, my eyes filled with tears.  I felt overwhelming love from my Father in Heaven, who was gently reminding me over and over that He knows me, and through others, was encouraging me to follow the promptings I've been receiving regarding writing.  I cannot describe the intensity of the feeling.  I know that there is a God.  I know that not only is He all powerful, the Creator of all things, but He is also our loving Father.  He knows us.  Each of us.  He knows what you are struggling with right at this moment.  He knows the desires of your heart.  He knows your heartaches.

I know He knows mine.  And I know He knows yours.

If you are struggling with self-doubt or insecurity, with heartache or loss, with sadness or confusion I challenge you to do what I did.  To pray, and ask God to remind you of His love for you.  Ask Him to strengthen your testimony that you are His child.

Your answer may not come as mine did (there have been many times my answers to prayer have not been so quick or so obvious), but I know it will come.

Since this experience last week, there have been other emails and texts and comments and Facebook posts in continual answer to that prayer.  Thank you to those of you who have followed the promptings you have felt to reach out to me in some way.  You have been His answer.

Tapestry

First, remember to send in any questions for our Thursday Q&A!  Email them to
have joy{at}ymail{dot}com.

And thank you to those of you who commented on last week's post about depression.  I so appreciate your support for the reader who sent in the question!  Thank you!

I have talked before about the comparison trap (read my post here), and I will probably talk about it a million more times in the future.  Mostly because I struggle with it, and I think a lot of women struggle with it.  And I tend to write about things that I need reminders about, and this is one of those things.

We all have different gifts, and we are all expected to use our gifts in ways unique to our strengths and abilities.  Some people have gifts in the form of talents (like singing, or painting, or baking), but some of us have gifts that aren't necessarily recognized as talents, like being a good listener, being a patient mother, being able to recognize a need and fill it through service, or being able to look at life through a positive lens.  It can be easy to compare those quieter gifts to others who may have gifts that speak more loudly.

I want to share an excerpt from a talk given at BYU in1989 by Patricia Holland (Jeffrey R. Holland's wife), entitled Filling the Measure of Your Creation.  She states:

"I once read a wonderful analogy of the limitations our present perspective imposes on us. The message was that in the ongoing process of creation—our creation and the creation of all that surrounds us—our heavenly parents are preparing a lovely tapestry with exquisite colors and patterns and hues. They are doing so lovingly and carefully and masterfully. And each of us is playing a part—our part—in the creation of that magnificent, eternal piece of art.

But in doing so we have to remember that it is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately. We see the rich burgundy of a neighboring thread and think, “That’s the color I want to be.” Then we admire yet another’s soft, restful blue or beige and think, “No, those are better colors than mine.” But in all of this we don’t see our work the way God sees it, nor do we realize that others are wishing they had our color or position or texture in the tapestry—even as we are longing for theirs.

Perhaps most important of all to remember is that through most of the creative period we are confined to the limited view of the underside of the tapestry where things can seem particularly jumbled and muddled and unclear. If nothing really makes very much sense from that point of view, it is because we are still in process and unfinished. But our heavenly parents have the view from the top, and one day we will know what they know—that every part of the artistic whole is equal in importance and balance and beauty. They know our purpose and potential, and they have given us the perfect chance to make the perfect contribution in this divine design."

I love everything about this.  It is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately, she says. Remember, YOU have been given certain gifts and abilities, and YOU are important to your circle of influence, and YOU have a divine role in God's plan.  YOU.  Flaws and all.

Now stop mourning the person you are not, and get out there and be the best YOU you can be!

Insanity

It's Monday.  Here are some things I'm thinking about:

1. I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating.  This happens to me every morning.  Lest you assume there are some positive counter-chubby benefits to this phenomenon, let me assure you there are not.
2. I posted on my blog EVERY DAY last week!  Are you impressed?  I am.  First time in years that I've done that, and it absolutely filled my soul with sunshine and glitter and skittles.  I need to keep it up.
3. I've got some new things ahead for Have Joy happening this week in collaboration with my sister Calee Reed.  Stay tuned.  No seriously.
4. My house is bordering on hoarder status and I am so good at thinking of reasons to let it stay that way.  Why is it that Sunday thrashes my house?  What is it about Sunday that is so ridiculously messy?  Come on, Sunday!  Give a girl a break!
5. The Mister ran to the store on Saturday and I told him we needed toilet paper and diapers.  Turns out we didn't need either.  Someone has misplaced my brain.  It's probably in my Sunday hoarder piles.  I'm never gonna find it.

And with that, I will leave you with this:

Have a good day, friends!

Laptops and Life Lessons

Let me tell you a story:
I had an old Macbook.

Like OLD.

Like I got it in 2009. And it was already refurbished.

It was older than my grandpa's dance moves. You getting the picture?

Anyway, it stopped holding a charge. I bought a new battery and it still wouldn't hold a charge. So for a long time (like a year at least) I just had to have it plugged in all the time. And if one of my kids tripped on the cord and pulled it out then my laptop would shut down. Not cool.

Then one day it wouldn't turn on even when it was plugged in. I was so bummed! I could buy another battery, but I had already done that and it hadn't been successful. So we decided it was time to get me a new laptop.

My new MacBook arrived. I was stoked. Fully charged, not plugged in, I happily used it everywhere I couldn't use my old laptop (i.e.: the bathtub).

Finally the battery ran out on my beautiful new MacBook. It was my bedtime, so I quickly plugged the laptop in and slipped into dreamland. The next morning I opened my new beauty to find it completely NOT CHARGED. What? Hadn't I plugged it in all the way? I wiggled the cord around, and nothing.

That's when it hit me.

My old computer hadn't been broken.

My charger had been broken!!!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

I died.

Could not stop laughing. We had purchased a new laptop when really all we needed was a new charger!! Because of what I knew about my laptop (that it was old and crummy) I hadn't looked at all the possibilities and had missed what was really going on. As a result, I spent way more money than I needed to. Oops.

It got me thinking, how many times in life do we do this? How often are we so focused on what we think is going on, or on our own limited viewpoint, that we fail to see what is really happening? We make assumptions all the time based on what we think we know. We do it with our spouses, we do it with our kids, we do it with our neighbors, friends, and siblings. And it limits us. It limits our ability to fully connect with people, and to see the big picture.

Moral of the story: Don't make assumptions! Especially in relationships. Or when it comes to MacBooks. Because sometimes, no matter how sure you are, it's not the laptop that's the problem.