The other day I had a feel sorry for myself day. I was feeling all grumpy about my history, my multiple children from multiple husbands (so classy) who have to go back and forth and split their time and will have to do so for a long, long time.
And I was feeling so sad that I didn't protect them better. Or make different choices somehow so that things would have ended differently. And I let it consume me for a little while.
Which was so dumb. Wanna know why?
1. Because it's in the past. I cannot change it. Dwelling on it is a waste of time and energy. Learning from it? Good. Dwelling on it? Stupid.
2. Because it made me angry, and put me in a grumpy mood all day. Over something I cannot change.
3. Because while I was angry and feeling sorry for myself I was missing out on my three beautiful children. Children who have been through a lot. A lot of change. A lot of instability. A lot of uncertainty. And who are happy, kind, doing well in school, well adjusted, and basically kind of miracles. I was focusing on the negatives in the past which caused me to miss out on the blessings of the present.
And that is a dangerous mindset, my friends.
We all have demons. We all have things in our lives that we wish were different somehow. And we all have the opportunity to focus on the blessings of the present rather than the would haves of the past.
Join me on the journey.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
10 December 2014
09 October 2014
Q&A: I feel so alone
I got this email from a reader a few weeks ago, and thought there might be others out there struggling in similar ways. It is posted here with her permission.
Q: I'm wondering if I can ask for a bit of your help....I've been struggling with lots of up and down emotions from a miscarriage last year [I have since had another baby] and I'm realizing I might now have some postpartum anxiety/depression I've been dealing with the last few months. I thought I'd be able to manage it on my own but I'm finding that I might need some professional help...but I don't quite know where to turn or who to trust or talk to and if medication is good or bad or even what I'm experiencing is really something?! I've just been feeling very alone. I thought of you and how you might be able to help me understand some of this?
A: There are so many good questions here, let me briefly address them:
- Having lots of emotions after a miscarriage is normal and expected.
- Having lots of emotions after a baby is normal and expected.
- Having lots of emotions after a baby/miscarriage that are persistent, mostly negative, interfering with your eating/sleeping/motivation/daily life, or leading to thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby are not normal and should be taken seriously.
- You do not have to feel so trapped! You do not have to feel negative and overwhelmed all the time! If the majority of your time is spent in tears, or feeling completely overwhelmed/anxious, it would likely be a good idea to seek professional help.
- There are two main kinds of professional help -- medication treatment and talk therapy. I suggest you get an assessment with both.
- I recommend getting a medication assessment from a psychiatrist or nurse practitioner specializing in psych meds. Your general doctor or OBGYN can prescribe medications as well, but their knowledge is less specialized in psychotropic medications and you are more likely to find the right medication combo (if needed) with a specialized doctor.
- Medications are not bad! They have a bad rap with a lot of people, but they can truly be life saving. If a prescriber recommends you begin taking medication, decide if that feels right to you. Educate yourself on the medication you are prescribed. Taking medication to stabilize your symptoms does not mean you will have to be on meds forever. Some people are on medications their whole life -- awesome. Some people need them for short term stabilizing (short term meaning different things depending on your situation) -- great. And some people will never need them at all -- fine. Try to put away your misconceptions and get educated so you can decide what is right for you with what you are experiencing.
- As far as who to make an appointment with, I would ask around. Ask friends if they have been to therapy, ask your church leaders (usually clergy work closely with one or two therapists/prescribers they could recommend), google local clinics and read reviews, find a therapist who has experience with depression/post-partum issues.
- Lastly, find a community where you can be supported and reminded that you are not alone! This could be an online forum, it could be reading articles about what you're experiencing, it could be emailing the lady at that one Have Joy blog (that would be me), it could be looking up quotes that inspire and uplift you, it could be praying to feel God's love, it could be talking to friends or family. Doing these things will not make your symptoms go away (if they are severe), but it can help lighten your load and allow you to begin to feel hope for the future.
That was a long and serious post. Thanks to the reader who sent in the question. I hope others can benefit from you sharing your experience.
To my readers: Do you have experience with miscarriage or postpartum depression? How did you cope? Do you have experience with psychiatric medications? What would your advice be to this reader? Do you have any words of encouragement to offer her? Please leave a comment (anonymously if you are more comfortable) of support if you feel so inclined. Like the Beatles said, we get by with a little help from our friends.
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