Stupid college girl

Let me tell you a story.

One time when I was a sweet little college student at BYU, I was walking to my car after a big group hang out.  It was late (probably close to midnight) and I was walking to my car by myself.

#1. I was not smart.
#2. I lived in a bubble world in a bubble college, which reinforced my view that life was safe and happy and everyone was basically kind at their core.
#3. I had not a single thought about how maybe I shouldn't be walking to my car late at night by myself.
#4. Nothing really bad happened to me because I was walking to my car by myself, I just look back on this story and realize how utterly and completely naive I was.  About everything.

So, I'm on my phone walking to my car, minding my own business and feeling pretty happy about life.  A car passes going the same direction as me, and as soon as they pass their brake lights turn on and they begin a slow turn and head back toward me.  AGAIN, I FELT NO FEAR.  No thought crossed my mind like "this person is going to abduct me" or "something bad might happen."  Nope.  My only thought was, "hey!  It must be a friend!  They are turning around to say hi."

Seriously!!  WHO WAS I??!!  If that happened to me today I would be speed dialing 911 as soon as I saw the brake lights.  I might have swung to the other extreme in my old age.

Anyway, this car turned around so they are now heading towards me on the opposite side of the road. I see the back window roll down.  I see a person lean the top half of their body out the window.  I raise my hand to wave (because obviously these are friendly strangers).  The car speeds up and swerves towards me.

WHACK!

I got nailed.  Hard.  With a flying object of some kind.  In the nether regions.

IN THE NETHER REGIONS I SAY!!

Whaa?  How?  Who? What just happened???

The car sped off (presumably full of laughter).  I was in shock.  I looked down, and on the sidewalk was a Hostess cream pie, chocolate to be exact, smooshed into a million gooey pieces, the remnants on my pants and dripping down my leg.

I got Hostess cream pied.  At about 35 miles per hour.

And I laughed.  I wasn't upset.  These guys were dill holes, yes.  But hey, it could have been a lot worse.  At least it didn't hit me in the face!

Don't you worry though, I had a huge bruise on my lady parts for a week.

Did that stop me from being a stupid idiotic young adult and walking to my car alone?  Nope.  Sure didn't.

But I will never look at a Hostess cream pie the same.

The tornado

I had a pride shattering moment yesterday.

If you're like me, then your house goes in cycles from clean to slightly messy, to more messy, to junkyard in a hurricane messy, and then back to clean.  It stays in the clean phase for about a nanosecond.  I usually run around like a maniac cleaning up barbies, dirty socks, stuffed animals and/or food wrappers all day only to have my house still look like a complete wreck by five o'clock.  Sometimes life takes precedence over being the maid, and on those occasions my house gets uber neglected.

This past weekend was one of those times.  My sister Calee and I are filming a music video (you definitely don't want to miss it), and it has been kind of all consuming the past few days.  We are filming part of it at my house, but I don't have a blank wall/nice background so we took the classy road and tacked a sheet to the living room wall.  I have a tripod and props laying around.  We have filmed the same song about a billion times, and I've listened to it and watched the footage about a billion times a billion times.  (Yes, I am also editing this beast.  Did I mention I'm not an editor?  That makes it fun.)  Then Saturday we were gone all day filming at other locations (in 30 degree weather wearing short sleeved dresses.  It was the best day of my life).  Then Sunday I had choir practice then church then to my dad's for a birthday celebration. Monday I was gone all day.  Tuesday I was gone all day.  I finally got home Tuesday afternoon, ready to do some cleaning.  FINALLY.  I put baby down for a nap, when I heard a knock at the door.  My 9 year old clears a path to the doorway and answers it, and I hear someone asking for me.  I go to the door and see my visiting teachers.

OH NO.

OH NO OH NO.

(For those of you who may not know, visiting teachers are two women from my church who come visit me every month and chat and bring treats and leave me with a nice little message.  I have ladies that I visit teach as well.  I love the program so much.  Except when I have a tornado house.  Then I don't love it so much.)

Apparently there was a miscommunication and they were under the impression that they were coming to visit me.  In my putrescence. (Look it up.)

I should mention that these ladies are new to me, and have only visited me once before. At which time my home was pristine and smelled like apple cider and all my children were sedated in the basement.  JK.  My older kids were at school and my baby was napping.  Planned it.  Nailed it.

I had no choice.  I was standing there at the door.  No excuse would have worked, although I ran through a list of them in my brain:

I'm not home.
I'm asleep.
Who are you again?
I'm not Nikki.
I'm leaving.
You're leaving.
Visit?  We just finished the visit!  Thanks for all the great conversation!  Buh bye!

Instead, I let them in.  They stepped over piles of jackets and backpacks and small children.  They brushed crumbs and toys off the couch so they would have a place to sit.  And they warily eyeballed my sheet covered wall.

It's just a dead body behind there.  Don't worry about it.

We chatted and I made up some lame excuse about my house, like that I've been filming a music video.  I'm a 32 year old Mormon mother of 3 and I'm filming a music video.  Sounds legit.  I'm sure they recognized that it's a perfectly valid reason to have my house looking like it did.  Doesn't everyone film music videos instead of doing the dishes?  No?  Hmm.

They left me with a sweet message on prayer (all the while offering silent prayers for my sanity which had obviously left me, I'm sure) and went on their merry way.

After they left I laid down on a pile of fruit snack wrappers and licked my pride wounds.  That sentence is so gross I can't even handle it.

They left.  I was embarrassed.  The end.

Groceries Smosheries

Am I the only one in the world who hates grocery shopping?  I seriously hate it.  HATE HATE HATE.  Even looking at the picture I posted gives me anxiety.    I mean, does anyone's cart really look like that?? Where are the Doritos??!

Grocery shopping stresses me out.  Big time.  I feel like I have to have all my meals planned and know all the ingredients I need, and that is overwhelming to me.  So I put it off and put it off until my children are eating shoelaces and ketchup for dinner.

At that point I run to the store just for the basics, and end up coming home with chocolate peanut butter, hot pink sugar cookies, and a random cut of meat that I know nothing about, but it was on sale, so why not. I manage to spend a billion dollars at the store and somehow WE STILL HAVE NOTHING TO EAT.  How does that happen?? It's like I'm living some sick joke over and over again while slowly starving to death.

So I experiment with the on sale mystery meat for dinner and my kids end up complaining and making gagging noises and asking if they can please have shoelaces instead.  It's a vicious cycle.

If I ever become a katrillionaire (it's a real word) I will have an in-house cook who does all the meal planning and grocery shopping.  And dishes.  Obvi.

Until then, I will be over here writing on this blog to avoid going to the grocery store.  Good thing we have a lot of shoelaces.

I don't get it.

I'll be doing another Q&A tomorrow!  Send in your questions/topics.

Ok, now let me ask you a serious question.  I've been wondering about this certain phenomenon for a while now, and I just  can't figure it out.  People love it.  They say they even become addicted to it.  They get ideas from it.  And I just don't get what all the hype is about.  Someone please enlighten me!!

Pinterest.

Why is there such a fuss about Pinterest??  I have an account.  I've used it maaaaaybe twice in the 3 years since I've had it.  And both times I was like, meh.


So, any of you out there who are hardcore Pinterest fans, please tell me why.  I do not understand why Pinterest is different (or better than) Google.  Why do I need them both?  I can Google "cutesy Halloween decorations that will make my friends jealous" just as easily (or more easily) than I could search it on Pinterest.  But then with Google I click the link and I'm there.  With Pinterest I click the picture 5 billion times and still don't end up at the original website.  I know I can pin certain pictures to different boards to organize them...but that seems like an online hoarding disaster waiting to happen.


I am obviously doing this incorrectly.  There has to be SOMETHING cool about it if everyone and their mom is obsessed with Pinteresting.  Pinteresting must be interesting. Somehow.  Right?

I am eagerly awaiting your mind blowing insight.  Thank you in advance.

Love,
The Pinterest Challenged

Laptops and Life Lessons

Let me tell you a story:
I had an old Macbook.

Like OLD.

Like I got it in 2009. And it was already refurbished.

It was older than my grandpa's dance moves. You getting the picture?

Anyway, it stopped holding a charge. I bought a new battery and it still wouldn't hold a charge. So for a long time (like a year at least) I just had to have it plugged in all the time. And if one of my kids tripped on the cord and pulled it out then my laptop would shut down. Not cool.

Then one day it wouldn't turn on even when it was plugged in. I was so bummed! I could buy another battery, but I had already done that and it hadn't been successful. So we decided it was time to get me a new laptop.

My new MacBook arrived. I was stoked. Fully charged, not plugged in, I happily used it everywhere I couldn't use my old laptop (i.e.: the bathtub).

Finally the battery ran out on my beautiful new MacBook. It was my bedtime, so I quickly plugged the laptop in and slipped into dreamland. The next morning I opened my new beauty to find it completely NOT CHARGED. What? Hadn't I plugged it in all the way? I wiggled the cord around, and nothing.

That's when it hit me.

My old computer hadn't been broken.

My charger had been broken!!!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

I died.

Could not stop laughing. We had purchased a new laptop when really all we needed was a new charger!! Because of what I knew about my laptop (that it was old and crummy) I hadn't looked at all the possibilities and had missed what was really going on. As a result, I spent way more money than I needed to. Oops.

It got me thinking, how many times in life do we do this? How often are we so focused on what we think is going on, or on our own limited viewpoint, that we fail to see what is really happening? We make assumptions all the time based on what we think we know. We do it with our spouses, we do it with our kids, we do it with our neighbors, friends, and siblings. And it limits us. It limits our ability to fully connect with people, and to see the big picture.

Moral of the story: Don't make assumptions! Especially in relationships. Or when it comes to MacBooks. Because sometimes, no matter how sure you are, it's not the laptop that's the problem.

Tender Moments

I was able to go to Time Out for Women a few weekends ago, and it was wonderful.  I felt uplifted and encouraged and inspired.  I was able to watch my amazing sister Calee Reed perform, and I couldn't help but think about how happy our mom must be to know that Calee is passing on the legacy of music.  Calee is so talented and I bawled the whole time she was on stage.  She is living her dream!!  It is so beautiful to watch and I am so proud of her!

I also saw Mercy River perform, and was especially touched by a song they did called "Walk You Through the Night."  It's a song about motherhood, and about how although as mothers we do not have all the answers, we can walk our children through dark times and love them perfectly.  I thought not only of my own children but also of my mother.  It has been almost four years since she passed away.  Although my mom was not perfect, she was the perfect mother for me.

I spent the next few days thinking about that song, and thinking about how I could overcome my own insecurities and shortcomings as a mother.  I bought the Mercy River album (duh) and was listening to that song when my 2 year old came into the kitchen with me.  She grabbed my legs and we started to dance.  My heart about exploded with love for this tiny human that is a piece of myself.  I bent down and picked her up in a cradle-style hold and began to rock her back and forth to the song.  My eyes welled with tears as I was filled with gratitude for the opportunity to be her mother.  She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said,

"Mom?"

I looked down at her sweet face as she continued,

"PUT ME DOWN!!!!"

Moment ruined.  

RUINED.

I put her sassy face back down and she ran out of the kitchen to play.  And that about sums up my experience of motherhood.  Tiny, fleeting moments of tenderness interrupted by crazy, frustrating, not tender at all real life.  And I'm so incredibly thankful for every single part of it.

Kids Gone Wild

One of my favorite coping mechanisms is laughter.  No matter what is going on in life, if you can figure out a way to laugh about it you will be so much happier.  Reminds me of a quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it.  You either have to laugh or cry.  I prefer to laugh.  Crying give me a headache.

And so, in the spirit of laughing when something horrible happens, here is a link to pictures of a bunch of rotten kids right before they were severely punished.  (Note:  No children were harmed in the making of this post.  Although I cannot speak for what happened after these pictures were taken.)

Enjoy (click the link below):

LAUGH SO YOU DON'T CRY

Not now, Son

 

Ran across this comic the other day, and I think it's profound.  How many of us are guilty of this?  I know I am.  It is so easy to let the not-so-important-in-the-long-run things take precedence over what really matters.  How will you make a little extra time for what's important today?

The Days are Long...

 

Enjoy the days, I hear they are gone before we know it...

Focus on the Flower

 

When I was in grad school one of my professors told us about the Lotus flower.  I have reflected on the symbolism of this flower many times, so I'm now sharing it with you.

The Lotus flower is sacred in Buddhism.  It means purity, cosmic harmony, potential, and enlightenment among other things.

But what is symbolic to me about this flower is where it comes from.  Lotus flowers grow in murky, swampy, shallow waters.  The seed emerges from the mud at the bottom of a swamp and blooms on the surface of the water.  There is the obvious symbolism that beautiful things are created from dark circumstances, and that is surely significant.  But there is another lesson in the flower.

Imagine being there.  In a swamp.  Shallow, warm, muddy.  Bugs everywhere.  A less than pleasant smell.  Hot, humid, murky as far as you can see.  And there, a Lotus flower.  Amidst the unpleasant surroundings, a beautiful flower has blossomed.  

What do we choose to focus on in our lives?  Are we so caught up in our murky circumstances that we fail to see the beautiful gift that is born from that very swamp?

Are we able to look past the swamp to appreciate the beauty of the flower? 

Without the swamp, there would be no blossom.

We all have swamps in our lives, and each swamp yields something beautiful that would not otherwise be there.  Find your Lotus blossom.  

Focus on the flower.

Illegal picking

My 5 year old brought me a bouquet of questionably acquired flowers after school yesterday.  She said,
"Mom!  Smell these flowers!  They smell like butterfly milk!"

And I said, "Just what do you think you are doing?!  You should not be picking flowers when you have not yet finished milking the butterflies you lazy child!!"

Happy Tuesday, Bloggyland.

Boot Candy

My 8 yr old's announcement this morning:

"Today I'm having boot candy.  And yesterday I had boot candy.  That's where I stick candy in my boot so I can eat it whenever I want."

Mmmmm, that sounds delish.

Happy Friday.

Heeeeyyyyyy

Hey long lost internet friends!! It's been a while for me! I've tried to login to my blog(s) a few different times recently and have been locked out. Don't you worry, I figured out the mystery and now I'm back in business.

In other news, my mom has spent many weeks in and out of the hospital recently (that's her in that picture up there). She's not doing so well.

In other other news, I'm totally done with my Christmas shopping and having a love affair with McDonald's cheeseburgers.

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Craaaaaaaap

Here is my sad little iPhone:

He probably has a terrible headache. And until I have glass shards in my ear, I will be true and keep using him. A bit of a bloody ear never hurt anybody.

Sparkle

Went to Mcdonald's last night with the kiddos.

Bug was playing with a girl she met at the play place, and when she came down for a water break I asked her what her new friend's name was.
Bug: Her name is Sparkle.
Me: Umm...her name is Sparkle? (who named her, my four year old?)
Bug: Yeah. Sparkle. Or diamond or something.

Then she ran off to play. Ok, have fun with Sparkle or Diamond or whoever.
Few minutes later, Bug came back to clarify. Turns out friend's name is CRYSTAL. hahahahaha. Oh the mind of a four year old works in magical ways.

Tune in tomorrow for a sexy Q&A that a reader sent in to me. I actually think this is a subject that many of you will relate to, and those of you who don't will have some feelings about it.

See you tomorrow!

Creation

Here's to creating some happiness today...
(From Post Secret)

Ode to Dr. Pepper

Top 10 Reasons I Want to be Mrs. Dr. Pepper:
10. My mom would love it if I married a doctor
9. He cheers me up on hard days
8. He never talks back to me
7. I've always had a thing for the brown ones
6. He makes a lot of money
5. Everyone knows him
4. Red looks good on me
3. He adds flavor to my life
2. He always hits the spot
1. I'm fairly certain that no one in the world loves him more than I do.

My favorite way to drink the heavenly nectar:
Ice cold can, poured into a cup of ice, with a straw. I swear this is the best way to drink Dr. Pepper. Honestly I think it tastes different from a bottle or a fountain. The stuff from the fountain just isn't as...potent...or something. Wish I was kidding right now. Totally not.

Go enjoy a Dr. Pepper in my honor everyone. Savor it, my friends. Savor it.

Here Goes...

So I got some interesting feedback from my Friday post.

First I'd like to say thanks to all those who disagreed with me, or who offered a different perspective. I always appreciate when people can do that (respectfully), because it gives me an opportunity to look at myself and my beliefs and evaluate them from another point of view.

Second, I want to say thank you to everyone who supported me and stood up for me. It is very much appreciated.

It's interesting for me to see the responses I get to certain posts I write. I have a certain point or meaning in mind when I write them, and people interpret them so differently. It speaks to how much our own life circumstance and current mood can play into how we see and hear and read things.

As for the post on Friday, I really do believe that humans are carnal, and selfish, and lustful by nature.

AND...

I believe that we come to this life to refine those qualities, and to change our natures to become more selfless, and humble, and Christlike.

AND...

I believe that most people don't make too much progress on that path. haha.

Maybe the majority of people in your little circle are good people, trying to do the right thing. Or maybe the majority of people in your church, or at your school, or at your work.

But it doesn't take much looking outside of your circle to see the evil that is in the world. And I'm not saying this to be world-bashing depressing. I'm just saying that you merely have to peel away a layer of your own experience to see how much sadness is in the world. And when you can do that, and STILL choose to be happy, that is (I believe) true happiness. And that was the point of my Friday post. That the 20 year old girl in the picture thought she was happy, but she had never known true pain, she had not experienced some of the harshness of the world, so her happiness was real to her, but it was very one dimensional compared to what it would be after having lived some life. Real, hard, ugly life.

Being happy when you live in a bubble isn't that hard. Being happy when you've seen some real life crud, or when you've been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or when you've lost a child or a spouse, or when you've been betrayed by someone you love...that is the kind of happiness that is real and lasting. Because it doesn't come from outside of you.

I loved the comment about Christ suffering for the sins of the world, and that He suffered so greatly because of the many evils that would take place in the world. That tells me two things:

1. That there would be serious, intense, dark and ugly things going on in the world,

AND

2. That there were people in the world who would try to do good things and make good choices, and so it was worth suffering unthinkable agony in order to facilitate the growth and opportunity of those people.

So, I stand by everything I wrote in the last post. And yes, I admit to being a bit jaded. And yes, I believe that people can change (hence my choice of profession... being a therapist would be pretty pointless if I thought all people in the world were worthless pieces of crap with no capacity for good). And yes, I believe that there are people in the world who are good and helpful and positive and selfless (I have been blessed by many of them in my life). And yes, I also believe that there are people in the world who are selfish and hurtful and deceitful and manipulative. And I have seen them first hand in my personal and professional life.

And I am still choosing to be happy. And I still have bad days, and I'm secure enough in my happiness that I can acknowledge my bad days, and I can sit in my angry thoughts when they come.

Happy Monday :)

Conflict

*photo from flickr

In my group therapy class back in college my teacher said something once that I thought was very profound. He was talking to us about a theory behind certain group therapies, that the group just moves from conflict to conflict. There will be periods of non-conflict, but inevitably another one always arises. And he said that we can look at life this way. As moving from one conflict to another.

And I got to thinking about it, and I think it's true. Life goes from one conflict to another. And there may be time between, but inevitably another conflict is bound to come up. I think this is absolutely true in life. I think this is true in marriage. I think this is true of friendships. And contrary to what it may seem on the surface, I think this is a very positive way of looking at the world. If we expect that there will be conflict, we can begin to see conflict in a less negative way. Conflict isn't always bad. It doesn't have to be huge and emotional. It sometimes is, but if we can get through it together (like in a marital conflict), we end up feeling closer and more connected at the end. We compromise, and shape ourselves, and work on humility.

It's when we begin to avoid conflict that things get messy. We stuff our emotions. We don't say what we really think because we don't want to get in a fight. And we eventually end up unhappy and frustrated and bugged at those closest to us. All because we want to avoid conflict. Because we have it ingrained in us that conflict is bad.

WRONG.

Contention is bad. Conflict is unavoidable.

Take a look at yourself. What do you do when you are faced with conflict? Are you an avoider? Do you shut down? Are you a blamer? Do you go into attack mode?

Good to remember

Love this.
*from Post Secret