Searching

It's Friday.
Bless America.

I saw clients yesterday.  A lot of them.  And it's always a humbling experience to sit in with people in their darkness, to honor their pain.  It is frustrating to watch people sit in their problems like a hot tub and just swim around in them for a while without doing anything to get out of the hot water.  And it is amazing to watch people shift their thinking, rewrite their stories, and turn their heartaches into beautiful strengths.  Seeing clients makes me reevaluate myself and my relationships, and reminds me that though our gender, or race, or religion, or sexuality, or marital status, or income may be different, we all share the same basic human experience.

Every person is seeking meaning and happiness.  The details are different, the big picture is the same. That's what it all boils down to.

How are you coming along on that search?

Tapestry

First, remember to send in any questions for our Thursday Q&A!  Email them to
have joy{at}ymail{dot}com.

And thank you to those of you who commented on last week's post about depression.  I so appreciate your support for the reader who sent in the question!  Thank you!

I have talked before about the comparison trap (read my post here), and I will probably talk about it a million more times in the future.  Mostly because I struggle with it, and I think a lot of women struggle with it.  And I tend to write about things that I need reminders about, and this is one of those things.

We all have different gifts, and we are all expected to use our gifts in ways unique to our strengths and abilities.  Some people have gifts in the form of talents (like singing, or painting, or baking), but some of us have gifts that aren't necessarily recognized as talents, like being a good listener, being a patient mother, being able to recognize a need and fill it through service, or being able to look at life through a positive lens.  It can be easy to compare those quieter gifts to others who may have gifts that speak more loudly.

I want to share an excerpt from a talk given at BYU in1989 by Patricia Holland (Jeffrey R. Holland's wife), entitled Filling the Measure of Your Creation.  She states:

"I once read a wonderful analogy of the limitations our present perspective imposes on us. The message was that in the ongoing process of creation—our creation and the creation of all that surrounds us—our heavenly parents are preparing a lovely tapestry with exquisite colors and patterns and hues. They are doing so lovingly and carefully and masterfully. And each of us is playing a part—our part—in the creation of that magnificent, eternal piece of art.

But in doing so we have to remember that it is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately. We see the rich burgundy of a neighboring thread and think, “That’s the color I want to be.” Then we admire yet another’s soft, restful blue or beige and think, “No, those are better colors than mine.” But in all of this we don’t see our work the way God sees it, nor do we realize that others are wishing they had our color or position or texture in the tapestry—even as we are longing for theirs.

Perhaps most important of all to remember is that through most of the creative period we are confined to the limited view of the underside of the tapestry where things can seem particularly jumbled and muddled and unclear. If nothing really makes very much sense from that point of view, it is because we are still in process and unfinished. But our heavenly parents have the view from the top, and one day we will know what they know—that every part of the artistic whole is equal in importance and balance and beauty. They know our purpose and potential, and they have given us the perfect chance to make the perfect contribution in this divine design."

I love everything about this.  It is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately, she says. Remember, YOU have been given certain gifts and abilities, and YOU are important to your circle of influence, and YOU have a divine role in God's plan.  YOU.  Flaws and all.

Now stop mourning the person you are not, and get out there and be the best YOU you can be!

Insanity

It's Monday.  Here are some things I'm thinking about:

1. I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating.  This happens to me every morning.  Lest you assume there are some positive counter-chubby benefits to this phenomenon, let me assure you there are not.
2. I posted on my blog EVERY DAY last week!  Are you impressed?  I am.  First time in years that I've done that, and it absolutely filled my soul with sunshine and glitter and skittles.  I need to keep it up.
3. I've got some new things ahead for Have Joy happening this week in collaboration with my sister Calee Reed.  Stay tuned.  No seriously.
4. My house is bordering on hoarder status and I am so good at thinking of reasons to let it stay that way.  Why is it that Sunday thrashes my house?  What is it about Sunday that is so ridiculously messy?  Come on, Sunday!  Give a girl a break!
5. The Mister ran to the store on Saturday and I told him we needed toilet paper and diapers.  Turns out we didn't need either.  Someone has misplaced my brain.  It's probably in my Sunday hoarder piles.  I'm never gonna find it.

And with that, I will leave you with this:

Have a good day, friends!

If Mama Ain't Happy...

When I was growing up, we had a plaque in our home that looked something like this:

I always laughed at how true it was from my perspective as the kid - that if my mom wasn't happy seriously no one in the house was happy.  Her mood affected (and possibly even dictated) our moods.

Now I am the mom.  I have so much power in my home.  I influence for good or for bad.  I teach how to respond.

That is so stressful!  It's so much responsibility!

I have noticed this happening in my home recently.  I've been getting in weird, funky moods for no apparent reason.  And when I'm stressed, it permeates to the entire family.  I've noticed that everyone is more uptight and irritable when I am more uptight and irritable.

And I'm realizing that I HAVE CONTROL.  I can choose to be happy rather than stressed.  I can choose to respond with patience rather than frustration.  And the more I choose to be happy, the more happy the entire mood in the home will become.

So the next time your kids are being feisty with each other, or being grumpy, or responding in anger, take a step back and evaluate your own mood.  There's a good chance your kids are picking up on your mojo and acting out your bad mood.

Choose to be happy.  Choose to pass along your happiness to your family.  You have the power!  Use it for good. 

Tender Moments

I was able to go to Time Out for Women a few weekends ago, and it was wonderful.  I felt uplifted and encouraged and inspired.  I was able to watch my amazing sister Calee Reed perform, and I couldn't help but think about how happy our mom must be to know that Calee is passing on the legacy of music.  Calee is so talented and I bawled the whole time she was on stage.  She is living her dream!!  It is so beautiful to watch and I am so proud of her!

I also saw Mercy River perform, and was especially touched by a song they did called "Walk You Through the Night."  It's a song about motherhood, and about how although as mothers we do not have all the answers, we can walk our children through dark times and love them perfectly.  I thought not only of my own children but also of my mother.  It has been almost four years since she passed away.  Although my mom was not perfect, she was the perfect mother for me.

I spent the next few days thinking about that song, and thinking about how I could overcome my own insecurities and shortcomings as a mother.  I bought the Mercy River album (duh) and was listening to that song when my 2 year old came into the kitchen with me.  She grabbed my legs and we started to dance.  My heart about exploded with love for this tiny human that is a piece of myself.  I bent down and picked her up in a cradle-style hold and began to rock her back and forth to the song.  My eyes welled with tears as I was filled with gratitude for the opportunity to be her mother.  She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said,

"Mom?"

I looked down at her sweet face as she continued,

"PUT ME DOWN!!!!"

Moment ruined.  

RUINED.

I put her sassy face back down and she ran out of the kitchen to play.  And that about sums up my experience of motherhood.  Tiny, fleeting moments of tenderness interrupted by crazy, frustrating, not tender at all real life.  And I'm so incredibly thankful for every single part of it.

Relax, Cat

Hey virtual friends.

Want to know about something that is so important, but that I am so terrible at?

Taking care of yourself.

It's probably one of the most important and most overlooked things in my life, and in most of your lives I'm guessing.  Why is that?  Why is it so easy to neglect ourselves?

I am extremely talented at running myself into the ground and burning myself out.  Anyone else out there have this amazing gift?

In the past I have found myself regularly in tears by 8am because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. 

This is not ideal.

So I have come up with a little list.  5 ways to take care of yourself in 10 minutes.  We all have 10 minutes we could spare for ourselves, right??  Carry on.

1.  Meditate
Seriously one of the quickest, best ways to ground yourself and alleviate stress.  Go somewhere quiet (I have even locked myself in the bathroom with the fan on.  Don't tell my kids).  Sit or lay comfortably.  Close your eyes.  Take deep, slow breaths.  Focus your thoughts completely on your breathing.  Don't think about the laundry piled up.  Don't think about what happened yesterday with your husband, or what will be happening tomorrow at work.  Force your mind to stay focused on your breathing.  In and out. That's it.  (Anyone interested in more meditation tips at some point?)

2. Stretch
When we are stressed and overwhelmed, our muscles tighten up and our bodies hold the tension we are feeling in our psyche.  Take a few minutes to stretch your sad muscles.  It will make a difference!  Below are some examples of basic stretches.  I know the picture isn't the best quality, but it has a good variety of upper and lower body stretches.

3. Dance
When you need to bust out of your funk, bust a move.  Turn on your iPod, or radio, or CD player, or 8track (is that what they were called?) to a fun, energetic song, and dance like nobody's watching.  Because hopefully there will be nobody watching.  It has been clinically proven that music can improve your mood (or make your mood worse, depending on the type of music you choose).  So put on a happy jam and get your John Travolta on.  One of my current favorites is Chewing Gum by Annie.  You're welcome.

4. Read
Book, magazine, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, your favorite blog (*wink*wink*), anything to take you away from the stress of the moment.  Sometimes FB and Instagram make me more stressed because I see all these perfect people with their perfect lives and their perfect hair.  But other times I like connecting with my friends and looking at fun pictures.  Just decide what you're in the mood for.  And remember, it's only 10 minutes!  It's easy to get sucked in to this one.

5.Write
This is one of my favorites.  Whether it's writing on a blog, in a journal, or venting on Facebook, writing can be so cathartic.  Taking ten minutes and a pen and just letting whatever spills out spill out.  Don't worry about editing, don't worry about spelling (unless you're me, and then you always worry about spelling), just write.  You'd be surprised how much better you feel after getting all that stress and emotion out of you and onto paper (or a keyboard :).

There are countless other ways to relieve stress.  Not all of these will work for you.  But maybe one or two of them will.  Pick one to try sometime today.  All you need is some stress.  And ten minutes.

Focus on the Flower

 

When I was in grad school one of my professors told us about the Lotus flower.  I have reflected on the symbolism of this flower many times, so I'm now sharing it with you.

The Lotus flower is sacred in Buddhism.  It means purity, cosmic harmony, potential, and enlightenment among other things.

But what is symbolic to me about this flower is where it comes from.  Lotus flowers grow in murky, swampy, shallow waters.  The seed emerges from the mud at the bottom of a swamp and blooms on the surface of the water.  There is the obvious symbolism that beautiful things are created from dark circumstances, and that is surely significant.  But there is another lesson in the flower.

Imagine being there.  In a swamp.  Shallow, warm, muddy.  Bugs everywhere.  A less than pleasant smell.  Hot, humid, murky as far as you can see.  And there, a Lotus flower.  Amidst the unpleasant surroundings, a beautiful flower has blossomed.  

What do we choose to focus on in our lives?  Are we so caught up in our murky circumstances that we fail to see the beautiful gift that is born from that very swamp?

Are we able to look past the swamp to appreciate the beauty of the flower? 

Without the swamp, there would be no blossom.

We all have swamps in our lives, and each swamp yields something beautiful that would not otherwise be there.  Find your Lotus blossom.  

Focus on the flower.