Searching

It's Friday.
Bless America.

I saw clients yesterday.  A lot of them.  And it's always a humbling experience to sit in with people in their darkness, to honor their pain.  It is frustrating to watch people sit in their problems like a hot tub and just swim around in them for a while without doing anything to get out of the hot water.  And it is amazing to watch people shift their thinking, rewrite their stories, and turn their heartaches into beautiful strengths.  Seeing clients makes me reevaluate myself and my relationships, and reminds me that though our gender, or race, or religion, or sexuality, or marital status, or income may be different, we all share the same basic human experience.

Every person is seeking meaning and happiness.  The details are different, the big picture is the same. That's what it all boils down to.

How are you coming along on that search?

Tapestry

First, remember to send in any questions for our Thursday Q&A!  Email them to
have joy{at}ymail{dot}com.

And thank you to those of you who commented on last week's post about depression.  I so appreciate your support for the reader who sent in the question!  Thank you!

I have talked before about the comparison trap (read my post here), and I will probably talk about it a million more times in the future.  Mostly because I struggle with it, and I think a lot of women struggle with it.  And I tend to write about things that I need reminders about, and this is one of those things.

We all have different gifts, and we are all expected to use our gifts in ways unique to our strengths and abilities.  Some people have gifts in the form of talents (like singing, or painting, or baking), but some of us have gifts that aren't necessarily recognized as talents, like being a good listener, being a patient mother, being able to recognize a need and fill it through service, or being able to look at life through a positive lens.  It can be easy to compare those quieter gifts to others who may have gifts that speak more loudly.

I want to share an excerpt from a talk given at BYU in1989 by Patricia Holland (Jeffrey R. Holland's wife), entitled Filling the Measure of Your Creation.  She states:

"I once read a wonderful analogy of the limitations our present perspective imposes on us. The message was that in the ongoing process of creation—our creation and the creation of all that surrounds us—our heavenly parents are preparing a lovely tapestry with exquisite colors and patterns and hues. They are doing so lovingly and carefully and masterfully. And each of us is playing a part—our part—in the creation of that magnificent, eternal piece of art.

But in doing so we have to remember that it is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately. We see the rich burgundy of a neighboring thread and think, “That’s the color I want to be.” Then we admire yet another’s soft, restful blue or beige and think, “No, those are better colors than mine.” But in all of this we don’t see our work the way God sees it, nor do we realize that others are wishing they had our color or position or texture in the tapestry—even as we are longing for theirs.

Perhaps most important of all to remember is that through most of the creative period we are confined to the limited view of the underside of the tapestry where things can seem particularly jumbled and muddled and unclear. If nothing really makes very much sense from that point of view, it is because we are still in process and unfinished. But our heavenly parents have the view from the top, and one day we will know what they know—that every part of the artistic whole is equal in importance and balance and beauty. They know our purpose and potential, and they have given us the perfect chance to make the perfect contribution in this divine design."

I love everything about this.  It is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately, she says. Remember, YOU have been given certain gifts and abilities, and YOU are important to your circle of influence, and YOU have a divine role in God's plan.  YOU.  Flaws and all.

Now stop mourning the person you are not, and get out there and be the best YOU you can be!

Tender Moments

I was able to go to Time Out for Women a few weekends ago, and it was wonderful.  I felt uplifted and encouraged and inspired.  I was able to watch my amazing sister Calee Reed perform, and I couldn't help but think about how happy our mom must be to know that Calee is passing on the legacy of music.  Calee is so talented and I bawled the whole time she was on stage.  She is living her dream!!  It is so beautiful to watch and I am so proud of her!

I also saw Mercy River perform, and was especially touched by a song they did called "Walk You Through the Night."  It's a song about motherhood, and about how although as mothers we do not have all the answers, we can walk our children through dark times and love them perfectly.  I thought not only of my own children but also of my mother.  It has been almost four years since she passed away.  Although my mom was not perfect, she was the perfect mother for me.

I spent the next few days thinking about that song, and thinking about how I could overcome my own insecurities and shortcomings as a mother.  I bought the Mercy River album (duh) and was listening to that song when my 2 year old came into the kitchen with me.  She grabbed my legs and we started to dance.  My heart about exploded with love for this tiny human that is a piece of myself.  I bent down and picked her up in a cradle-style hold and began to rock her back and forth to the song.  My eyes welled with tears as I was filled with gratitude for the opportunity to be her mother.  She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said,

"Mom?"

I looked down at her sweet face as she continued,

"PUT ME DOWN!!!!"

Moment ruined.  

RUINED.

I put her sassy face back down and she ran out of the kitchen to play.  And that about sums up my experience of motherhood.  Tiny, fleeting moments of tenderness interrupted by crazy, frustrating, not tender at all real life.  And I'm so incredibly thankful for every single part of it.

Kids Gone Wild

One of my favorite coping mechanisms is laughter.  No matter what is going on in life, if you can figure out a way to laugh about it you will be so much happier.  Reminds me of a quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it.  You either have to laugh or cry.  I prefer to laugh.  Crying give me a headache.

And so, in the spirit of laughing when something horrible happens, here is a link to pictures of a bunch of rotten kids right before they were severely punished.  (Note:  No children were harmed in the making of this post.  Although I cannot speak for what happened after these pictures were taken.)

Enjoy (click the link below):

LAUGH SO YOU DON'T CRY

You're Gonna Miss This

I've been trying to live in the moment this week, and this song has been playing through my head every day.  Thought I'd share it with you.

The Days are Long...

 

Enjoy the days, I hear they are gone before we know it...

Focus on the Flower

 

When I was in grad school one of my professors told us about the Lotus flower.  I have reflected on the symbolism of this flower many times, so I'm now sharing it with you.

The Lotus flower is sacred in Buddhism.  It means purity, cosmic harmony, potential, and enlightenment among other things.

But what is symbolic to me about this flower is where it comes from.  Lotus flowers grow in murky, swampy, shallow waters.  The seed emerges from the mud at the bottom of a swamp and blooms on the surface of the water.  There is the obvious symbolism that beautiful things are created from dark circumstances, and that is surely significant.  But there is another lesson in the flower.

Imagine being there.  In a swamp.  Shallow, warm, muddy.  Bugs everywhere.  A less than pleasant smell.  Hot, humid, murky as far as you can see.  And there, a Lotus flower.  Amidst the unpleasant surroundings, a beautiful flower has blossomed.  

What do we choose to focus on in our lives?  Are we so caught up in our murky circumstances that we fail to see the beautiful gift that is born from that very swamp?

Are we able to look past the swamp to appreciate the beauty of the flower? 

Without the swamp, there would be no blossom.

We all have swamps in our lives, and each swamp yields something beautiful that would not otherwise be there.  Find your Lotus blossom.  

Focus on the flower.

Yup

 

Love this.  We must take risks in order to reach our highest potential and highest happiness.

Boot Candy

My 8 yr old's announcement this morning:

"Today I'm having boot candy.  And yesterday I had boot candy.  That's where I stick candy in my boot so I can eat it whenever I want."

Mmmmm, that sounds delish.

Happy Friday.

Self Esteem

I can do anything good. Better than anyone. Yes I can.

Hairy

Quote of the day, courtesy of my 4 year old:

"This morning Dexter (our kitten) was licking me. So I just licked him back."

Of course you did, child. :)

Creation

Here's to creating some happiness today...
(From Post Secret)

Don't You Quit

One of my favorite poems...

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow,
You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to the faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I hate it.

So let's talk about how much I hate dropping my kids off with their dad.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

I love that my kids' dad is involved in their lives and that they love him.

And I also hate it.

But mostly I love it.

But a lot of times I hate it.

(Are you getting dizzy with my switchiness yet? And yes, switchiness is a word. Because I said so.)

Anyway, the last few weeks I have been able to spend way more time than usual with them. I've taken a few days off work each week, and just spent it with my girls which has been really fun but also makes it really a lot harder when they have to go away.

ugh.

h.a.t.e
i.t.

So. I don't have the girls this weekend. I should stay home and pay my bills. Or clean my house. Or sleep. Or get the brakes fixed in my car. Or catch up on any of the nine billion things that I am behind on.

But instead I'm going to sit here and blog.  And eat.

Happy day.

Miss the Silver

Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold.
--Maurice Seitter
I hope you all have a fabulous weekend, and find the silver lining in all your cloudy moments...

Make it a great day!!

Happy Sounds

Love this album. Happy, fun music. My kids bounce around to it, and I sing the words. In fact, one of the songs from this album is my song to my girls... Don't Let Me Fall. Really cute lyrics.

To watch a happy little music video of hers click HERE. Enjoy.

Introducing Bug

So I have intentionally avoided putting pictures or stories of my kids on this blog up to this point. I just thought I'd keep the family stories and pictures on my personal blog, and keep this blog more not-personal. haha. Mostly because I think some people (aka anyone who is not related to me) probably get bored of kid stories and pictures all the time. And also just to keep the pictures and names of my kids a little more private. Hence the threat to make my personal blog private like a year ago. Which I still have yet to get around to.

I have since decided that my kids bring me a lot of joy (also a lot of sleepless nights, crabby evenings, messy kitchens, ruined clothes, sticky hands...you get the picture), and that because of that I would be leaving out a very big piece of me by not posting about them on this blog. So, I'm going to do it. I'm just not going to use their real names, or put actual pictures of them on this blog. Done and done.

Allow me to introduce you to my 4 year old, Bug. She is quite the little character. Today during nap time she decided that she did not want to sleep. She knows she has to stay in her room during nap time, and is usually pretty good at it. Today she would scream at me (since she knew she had to stay in her room and needed to make sure I could hear her requests for exit from across the hall where I was trying unsuccessfully to rest) various reasons she needed to be done with naptime. Her reasons included:

1. She needed a snack
2. She was thirsty to death
3. She had to go to the bathroom
4. It was 14:30 (apparently that is when naptime is over in Bug Land)
5. She wasn't tired, you Stupid Lady (that would be me)

I just kept telling her to get on her bed, naptime would be over soon, and it would probably be over quicker if she actually napped. Which she apparently didn't believe.

When naptime was over I went in to get her. I asked her if she needed to go to the bathroom. She said,

"No. I went pee in my trash can."

Really?

Really.

I just nodded my head at her ingenuity, and what that thought process must have looked like:
I'm stuck in my room. Really have to pee. Stupid Lady doesn't believe me. I'll get in trouble if I leave my room. I'll get in trouble if I pee on the floor. THERE MUST BE ANOTHER WAY! Aha! Empty trash can. Just in the knick of time.

I wasn't even mad. My child is a prodigy. A trash can peeing genius. I'll just make sure to leave a roll of toilet paper in her closet for next time.