04 December 2014


Sometimes I feel blah.

Sometimes I don't want to write, or talk, or see people or do things.

Things like get dressed or make dinner or shower.

Things like be nice, or grocery shop, or brush my hair.

Things like take care of kids, or make snacks, or break up arguments.

And my day is full of having to DO THINGS.

And when I don't want to do things, and my day is full of doing things, it becomes bothersome.

Sometimes I wish I could sit in my pajamas all day, surrounded by obedient and content children, watching Disney movies and not hearing complaints of boredom or she pushed me or uh oh I spilled the nail polish.

Sometimes I want to be off the clock.  The mom clock. And the life clock.  Are those the same thing?  They are for me right now.

But I know what it's like to be off the mom clock.  I get a glimpse of that more often than I'd like, actually.  My little nuggets head out to their dad's, and I'm left kidless and free to do as my heart desires.  And it's not all it's cracked up to be.

WAIT.  It is for a minute.  I lounge around and sleep in and eat whatever I want without having to share.

And I miss out on the goofy laughing and the princess dress ups and the I love yous and cuddles. (And the crying and the messes and the little fights and the exhaustion. But all those things feel extremely insignificant when I'm looking around and missing my kids.) It's like I get a glimpse into what my life will be like without them, and I'm able to translate that into feeling so much appreciation for this time of life that I'm in. And I wish with all my heart I was back on the mom clock.  And I realize that I am extremely lucky to have these three little blessings in my life. And having them to love and serve, and to teach me about patience and selflessness is a blessing I wouldn't trade for anything.

Even not having to do things.

I'm feeling less blah now.  Thanks for listening, bloggy blog.  You are good to me.

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