F PLUS

 Have you ever had a day you would like to do over?  Not because it was amazing and wonderful, but because you had some glaring not great moments that you would like to erase and try again?  That was me yesterday.  I went to bed feeling like there were so many moments that I would have gotten a big fat F on.  Good thing we have tomorrows.  And I'm sorrys.  And loving kids and husbands who forgive.  My sweet 2 year old has gotten in this phase where she will spontaneously come put her hands on both of my cheeks, look into my eyes, and then slowly kiss me on the cheek and smile.  I feel like I might die from loving her too much every time she does it.  It has a way of snapping me out of my crazy and bringing me back to the moment where I can recognize what is important and let the other things go. 

So today is my chance to redeem myself from the day of F's I had yesterday.  To choose not to listen to the voice of failure in my head, and to try again.  And again.  And again. And to remind myself that it's ok that I am not perfect.  I don't need to be perfect.  I just need to be trying.  And I am really really good at trying.

The Loss of Another

There is so much heartache in this world.  Every person carries wounds, some that are obvious and many that are not.  I have started to notice this interesting phenomenon about other people's pain.  When I see someone who has experienced tragedy in their lives, whether through divorce, or death, or physical ailments or diseases, I want to peek into their lives and know all about them.  I want to know how they are coping.  I want to know about their pain.  I want to know what their life was like before and how it will be moving forward.  I think we are all like this.  This is why people like Stephanie Nielsen are so influential.  People flock to see tragedy.  And the recipient of that tragedy has the opportunity to share their stories to help lift others going through similar things and to be a message of hope and triumph to those watching.

Why do we rush to read about someone's heartache?  Is it because we are just nosy and judgmental?  I choose to believe there is a greater reason.  I choose to believe it is because we are compassionate.  When we see someone going through a great difficulty, we feel their pain.  We imagine how we would handle a similar situation.  We take their lessons and apply them into our lives.  And we gain a greater appreciation and gratitude for the blessings we enjoy.  In this way, we are helping each other.  We are learning and bettering our lives because of someone else's experiences.

Photo by Amelia Lyon

This is where my mind has been the past few days.  A close relative of my ex-husband recently experienced a horrific loss.  She and her husband lost their two and a half month old daughter to SIDS.  My heart has been grieving for them, and I have felt the weight of their loss in my own life.  Each time I look into the sweet face of my 2 year old, I feel it.  Each time my 7 year old wraps her arms around my waist in a quick hug, I feel it.  As I look through baby pictures of my girls, I feel it.  My heart is heavy.  So, so heavy.

And I am reminding myself to be a little more patient with the toddler messes.  And a little less irritated about the child who gets out of bed for one more hug.  And a little more thankful for the three beautiful children I've been blessed with in my life.  And it is for this reason that I am passing along the heartbreaking story of another.  So you readers can pray for their sweet family to feel peace and comfort during this time, and also so you can take the opportunity to evaluate your own life to find the things you take for granted.  Because someday, the moments that now overwhelm you will be fading memories.

To donate to this family for funeral expenses, please visit their donations page.

Service Through a Dress

I decided I wanted to start chronicling (ummm is that the weirdest word in the history of words?) some stories and memories about my mom.

It has been almost 4 years since she passed away, which is so crazy to me.  I haven't spoken to my mom in 4 years!  I still have her in my favorites on my phone, though her number now belongs to someone else. When she first passed away, I found myself reaching for my phone multiple times a day to call or text her, and I still can't bear to delete her information.  It's almost like that would be forgetting her or something.  Every once in a while I'll go look at her Facebook page, too, just to remind myself that there is still evidence of her, that her life hasn't completely disappeared.  It's the weirdest thing to think about her being gone.  How is it that someone is just not here anymore?  One day they are living, breathing, worrying, and the next, nothing.  I honestly don't know how people get through losing a loved one without a belief in an afterlife.

So.  Stories about my mom.  I've told this one to some people, but haven't written it down.  Here goes.

When I was a senior in high school I was really really busy.  I was in a lot of AP classes (like honors classes), I was in ASB (student government), I had a part time job (as the janitor at a dental office, now if you want to talk about glamorous...), and I was on a competitive club cheerleading team that practiced 3 times a week an hour away from my house.  I also attended early morning seminary (a class put on by my church where we studied books of scripture) that started at 5:45 AM.  That's right.  Needless to say I was exhausted pretty much all the time.  Senior Ball was coming up, and I was stressed because I had no time to go look for a dress, and in my 17 year old world that was a catastrophe.

I came home from school one day, two weeks before the dance exhausted as usual.  I walked in the front door to find formal dresses hung all over the living room.  Beautiful fabric, beautiful colors, sparkles and sequins.  As I sat there confused and looking around, my mom explained to me that she knew I was so busy and stressed, so she had gone to the mall that day to find me a dress.  She went to store after store, and looked at dress after dress, and bought 10 or 12 dresses that she thought I would like.  She brought them home and set them up for me so I could try them on and choose one.  She was like my own personal shopper, and my living room was transformed into my very own specialized dress shop.  I was so thankful that my sweet mom took time out of her own busy schedule (which certainly included things that actually mattered) to serve me and help me find a dress.  She could have easily said, "It's just a dress, it doesn't matter.  It's one dance that you will soon forget about."  Instead, she was wise enough to know that even though the dance didn't matter, I mattered.  Even though finding the right dress wasn't important, I was important.

I picked out a dress I loved from the ones she chose, and she returned the others the next day.   Though I do not remember much about that dance, I do remember the love of my sweet mother, and how I felt that love through a dress.

Guess what?

I had another article published at Family Share!  Go have a read and share it with any moms you know who could use it:

5 Ways Being a Bad Mom Can Make You a Great Mom

Spandex and Self-Esteem

Hey friends!  An article I wrote is featured on Familyshare.com today.  Go check it out and share it with anyone you know who could use a quick pick me up!

Spandex and Self-Esteem

Thanks loves.