23 November 2014

Road trip hangover

Us with my mom's mom :)
My little family went on a road trip to Vegas this weekend, and it was so fun!! We went down to watch my sister sing her final recital for the master's program she is in. She was beautiful and strong and held herself together during an extremely emotional and overwhelming weekend. I could not stop the tears from flowing as I listened to her sing and watched the beautiful woman she has become. I missed my mom intensely this weekend, I know we all did. I wish she could have been there to see Kristina and what an incredible person she is. I know, I know... "She was there!" You will say. And I say BLAH. While it's comforting to imagine my mom there in spirit, it is not the same as having her there in body. It's just. not. the. same. And I miss her at so many places in my life. Her mom and sisters came out for the recital, and seeing them makes me miss my mom even more. It's comforting and horrible all at the same time. Seeing them is another  reminder of her absence.

The picture of my mom and dad

The other day I had a photo album open to a picture of my mom and dad. My three year old came in, pointed to the picture and said, "Grandpa!" And my breath caught in my chest and I had to stop for a moment as I realized that he was the only one she recognized in that picture. It was a picture of grandpa standing with a stranger. And it broke my heart.  And it will break my heart for the rest of my life as I watch my kids grow up without her. 

And now that I'm crying again I should probably stop writing. The weekend was beautiful and emotional and I'm so glad we were able to go. I love my crazy sisters, and my crazy mom's crazy family, and my crazy girls and my crazy husband. And in spite of the sad, this weekend was filled with a whole lot of happy. 


janyce said...

This was so beautifully said. I am so touched by your honest and true feelings that you share. You are just awesome... Love u

Nikki (Have Joy) said...

Thanks, Janyce :) Love you too!

Crystal said...

Nikki, I so appreciate your honesty in your blog. My mom died of a brain tumor when I was two. Although, my dad remarried when I was six, it just wasn't the same as having my own mom around. There are times in my life that I have felt her presence very strongly, and yet there have also been times that her absence has left me feeling very empty. I envy you the time you were able to spend with your mom, and at the same time, I know you feel her loss much more keenly than I feel the loss of my mom, because you knew her. Thanks for sharing your feelings, as tender as they are.

Nikki (Have Joy) said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I can't imagine growing up without your own mother around...that would be such a difficult thing to go through! I often think about that, that at least I got to have my mom until I was 28. Thank you for your sweet comment. I really appreciate your kind words.

Have Joy © 2013.

Design by The Blog Boat