28 April 2009

Cheeseburger Deluxe

My gut is protruding. I can feel it inching over my pants. Slowly. Surely.

Apparently my "lose a ton of weight while going through a divorce" phase is over.


hahaha. I just said damn on my Have Joy blog. I'm not sure that's really allowed. Wait, I make the rules. I'm the boss. At least in Have Joy Land. And how do you even spell damn? Dam. Damb. Dammit. Damnit. Seriously. I really don't know. But I should probably stop.

So yeah. Lost a lot of weight in 2008. Hey, that rhymes. I think a big reason I lost a lot of weight was because I had recently birthed a human. Bear was only 5 months old when the "I'm filing for divorce" conversation was had. Wow. So little. So sucky. I'm divorced. Ugh.

Anyway, a lot of the weight I lost was baby weight. And a lot of the weight I lost was "i'm getting divorced and i have two kids and no job and no income and no family around and i'm devastated and scared and alone and stressed and i can't eat or sleep or really function at all" kind of weight. You know that kind, right? haha. Yeah...

Pretty sure I survived on cheeseburgers and Dr. Pepper that entire year. For every meal. Mmmm...mmmm.... salivating...

And now that life is settling down a little bit (ok, not really AT ALL compared to most of you, but really a lot compared to what 2008 was like for me), my body is starting to function normally again. Like, I get tired. I'm not sure I really got tired in 2008. Well, that's not super accurate. I'm not sure I ever wasn't tired in 2008. I was sort of a zombie, exhausted all the time, walking around with my eyes open but my brain nowhere to be found. So I never felt super tired because I never...wasn't... tired. That makes no sense. I'm leaving it.

I have so much to do. And I'm sitting here writing a dumb little paragraph about belly cheese. hahaha. And I don't mean the cellulite kind. I mean the fuzzy kind that grows in your navel. hahahaha. wow. this is getting weird. even for me. maybe i should stop.

i've been in a bit of a funk the last couple of days. not sure why. maybe i'm just smelling the belly cheese and it's making me woozy. woozie? whooooosy? haha. I have no idea.

Maybe it's because I'm sitting here chomping on pizza and chocolate milk, wishing i was watching dancing with the stars but knowing i have other stuff to do. I just felt my belly expand another centimeter.



Julia Kelly said...

OK, that post was damn funny! :)

Miss you.

The Harker Family said...

Nikki you are DAMN HILARIOUS!! Okay, I also should damn well be working on my school and here I am reading blogs, and eating damn Kraft Dinner at 10:00am. What the freak! Damn me! Okay, back to my damn school!

Anonymous said...

Who the hell raised you?

PDawg said...

Three things:

1) Who doesn't love an all-cheeseburger diet? I was having the same problem, feeling like a chunkey monkey.... so I started running every day a few weeks ago. And eating healthy. And you know what? I'm still ginormous. Moral of that story? Exercise is stupid.

2)I love that you use damn so damn much in this post. Day-am.

3) Love your randomness. Keep it up. :)

Kylee said...

I feel the same way! My phase of losing weight from the divorce is over. Greg was seven months when I had the "I am filing" conversation. So, part of it was still losing that baby weight. But, the other part was the divorce. That zombie feeling you were talking about is exactly how I felt last year. It will be year this May when my life flipped upside down. But, I feel like I am no longer a walking zombie. Anyways..your post was funny and I enjoyed it.

Nikki said...

hahahaha. Ok, I would just like to point out that the anonymous who asked who the hell raised me was actually my mother. seriously. I called her to verify. She thinks she's really funny.

And second, PDawg, I laughed and laughed at your #1. Hahaha. Exercise is stupid. The end. haha. Totally feel you on that one. haha.

emily said...

so this was a good one. yet another post i say amen too. although if its taken you this long to start getting it back i say, not fair! i remember someone commenting i looked like i lost weight last year. I laughed - how could that be possible when I snacked every single night while sitting on the couch and ate everything i felt like during the day. So i stood on the scale and, wow! I was so excited. Then came the day when I noticed it came back - around the same time i seemed to quit eating whole bags of doritos at midnight. Sometimes I wonder if that diet is what my body really needs. i keep hoping i can stress myself out with school enough that it will go away on it's own again. pretty please.

Anonymous said...

Swearing Mormons.

Cute! :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me smile, Nikki. I have never met you, but I do feel like I've gotten to know you via your blog. I love your sense of humor and admire you in so many ways. You have a gift, and I'm glad to see you using it to make others smile. I also appreciate your more serious posts that allow me to see topics from various viewpoints. Whether I agree or disagree with your views (or those of your readers), I truly enjoy hearing other perspectives, and I believe this allows me to grow as a person. Keep doing what you're doing, girl, because you are making a difference. And have a DAMN great day! :)

krista Devaney said...

I died. That was so DAMN funny. You're still my favorite. The end.

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