I start watching all the families. The babies playing with their moms. The dads taking rowdy kids into the hall.
And I was suddenly overcome with a rush of sadness.
A very deep, very raw kind of sadness.
And I seriously started bawling. Right there. My sister is singing the sacrament hymn, and looking at me weird because I am really trying to avoid going into hysterics.
The complete unfairness of my situation just hit me all at once. And I start thinking about how unfair it is for my kids. And how their entire lives they're going to be passed back and forth, and have questions, and have heartache, and there will be nothing I can do to make it go away.
And it sucks.
And I almost walked out of the meeting right then.
But I didn't.
And I got up and bore my testimony. Because nothing chases away pain and bitterness like reminding yourself of what you believe in. Especially because when you're doing that, you open yourself up to the spirit, which has been called "the comforter" for a reason.
And I bawled while doing incoherent blabbering at the pulpit. And I have no idea if anyone else felt the spirit, but I sure did. And I am so thankful for the gospel in my life. I am so thankful for the knowledge that there is a plan, and that it is a plan of happiness, and that when you look at things from an eternal perspective they are never as bad as they seem.
Happy Sunday. :)