18 November 2014

Control Freak

I am a control freak.

This can be a problem at times.  I'm not the super neat/myhousehastolooklikeamagazine kind of control freak.  And there are some times that I really prefer not to be in control.  But when it comes to certain things, I need to be the boss.  NEED.

For example, I hate being late.  And I rhyme all the time (that was a joke, silly bloke).  Let's say we are planning on leaving at 10am to get wherever on time.  Let's say I've done everything I can do to be out the door by 10.  I got up early, I got the kids stuff put together the night before.  Then, as we are walking out the door, the baby falls in a mud puddle or someone throws up or an alien swoops down and traps us in the house.  Those are the types of things that are infuriating to me.  Completely, 100% out of my control. And my stress level goes to a thousand (that's a pretty high level, right?) and I start getting snappy at my husband and kids and it's no fun for anyone.

This has been a personality trait that I have worked on over the years, and I feel like it's in a manageable place these days.  However, it is an extremely difficult characteristic to have when you are divorced.  There are lots and lots of times that I send my babies to their dad's and I have no control.  I don't know what they eat for dinner.  I don't know what time they go to bed, or whether they brushed their teeth or said their prayers.  I don't know what shows they are watching or what music they are listening to or what kinds of people are around them.  And even though I know their dads love them (yup. plural dads. awkward), a dad is not a mom!  And moms tend to be more detail oriented and worried about things like eating vegetables and brushing teeth and bedtimes.

That's all.  It is what it is, and I cannot control certain things about my situation.  I just needed to whine about it for a hot second.  My life is good and my children are happy.  Whine session over.

Peace out, homies.


Anonymous said...

That would be incredibly super duperror hard! Ahhhhhhhh! It makes me want to rip my hair out thinking about it. I'm sorry you have to go through those feelings each time. I understand as a fellow control freak mama.

Chelsea Johnson said...

Extremely well said!

Nikki (Have Joy) said...

Anonymous-- Thanks for understanding!! Us control freaks gotta stick together! :)

Nikki (Have Joy) said...

Thanks! I appreciate your comment :)

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