13 July 2009

Here Goes...

So I got some interesting feedback from my Friday post.

First I'd like to say thanks to all those who disagreed with me, or who offered a different perspective. I always appreciate when people can do that (respectfully), because it gives me an opportunity to look at myself and my beliefs and evaluate them from another point of view.

Second, I want to say thank you to everyone who supported me and stood up for me. It is very much appreciated.

It's interesting for me to see the responses I get to certain posts I write. I have a certain point or meaning in mind when I write them, and people interpret them so differently. It speaks to how much our own life circumstance and current mood can play into how we see and hear and read things.

As for the post on Friday, I really do believe that humans are carnal, and selfish, and lustful by nature.


I believe that we come to this life to refine those qualities, and to change our natures to become more selfless, and humble, and Christlike.


I believe that most people don't make too much progress on that path. haha.

Maybe the majority of people in your little circle are good people, trying to do the right thing. Or maybe the majority of people in your church, or at your school, or at your work.

But it doesn't take much looking outside of your circle to see the evil that is in the world. And I'm not saying this to be world-bashing depressing. I'm just saying that you merely have to peel away a layer of your own experience to see how much sadness is in the world. And when you can do that, and STILL choose to be happy, that is (I believe) true happiness. And that was the point of my Friday post. That the 20 year old girl in the picture thought she was happy, but she had never known true pain, she had not experienced some of the harshness of the world, so her happiness was real to her, but it was very one dimensional compared to what it would be after having lived some life. Real, hard, ugly life.

Being happy when you live in a bubble isn't that hard. Being happy when you've seen some real life crud, or when you've been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or when you've lost a child or a spouse, or when you've been betrayed by someone you love...that is the kind of happiness that is real and lasting. Because it doesn't come from outside of you.

I loved the comment about Christ suffering for the sins of the world, and that He suffered so greatly because of the many evils that would take place in the world. That tells me two things:

1. That there would be serious, intense, dark and ugly things going on in the world,


2. That there were people in the world who would try to do good things and make good choices, and so it was worth suffering unthinkable agony in order to facilitate the growth and opportunity of those people.

So, I stand by everything I wrote in the last post. And yes, I admit to being a bit jaded. And yes, I believe that people can change (hence my choice of profession... being a therapist would be pretty pointless if I thought all people in the world were worthless pieces of crap with no capacity for good). And yes, I believe that there are people in the world who are good and helpful and positive and selfless (I have been blessed by many of them in my life). And yes, I also believe that there are people in the world who are selfish and hurtful and deceitful and manipulative. And I have seen them first hand in my personal and professional life.

And I am still choosing to be happy. And I still have bad days, and I'm secure enough in my happiness that I can acknowledge my bad days, and I can sit in my angry thoughts when they come.

Happy Monday :)


Leslie said...

Well said Nikki.

Anonymous said...

YAY!!! Bravo for clarification! Yes, very well said!!

Barbie said...


Annie Swetchine said, “Those who have suffered much are like those who know many languages; they have learned to understand and be understood by all” ...who have suffered

Just a question? Why do people comment anonymously? Just wondered.

Sarah said...

Very well said! :) I totally get it. Well, I got it before, but I think this clarifies your Friday post for all those anon nay-sayers out there. Keep on going, Nikki! :)

Heather @ Alis Grave Nil said...

Wowza. I had to go back and see what was so comment-worthy, I'd already forgotten. I totally agree with you... and I LOVE what you said about true happiness and the bubble.

And I got all that the first time. Good post(s).

Caroline said...

I also did not see any of those comments until you mentioned it Nikki. I must say that I have to agree with you Nikki- that in the world there are a lot of people who do very selfish, horrendous, and heinous things to others (who may be able to change one day), just as there are a lot of people who do selfless, kind, and caring things for others. If there were no evil people in this world then there would be no crime in society, right? Unfortunately, as we all know, that is NOT the case. I personally have spent the last several years of my life doing research on abused women, and let me tell you that some of the things that these women have gone through from their abusive male partners is absolutely HORRENDOUS!!! You would never believe that a person could do such horrible things towards another person, let alone towards a person that they were in a relationship with. Being abused by the men that they loved and trusted were real eye opening experiences for the women. Yet through these difficulties, the abused women often end up being very loving and forgiving people, BUT and let me emphasize the "BUT" part here, they also ended up being very aware and cautious people, as they learned that even the people that loved them could hurt them so deeply and badly. This research has been an eye opening experience for me as well as I have learned that there are a lot of people out there who suffer so deeply because of the selfish actions and behaviours of others. I have also gained an immense amount of compassion for individuals who have been hurt. What kind of person are we if we can't even recognize and admit that some people hurt other people- certainly not a compassionate person because in order to be a compassionate person you have to recognize the pain that a person has gone through (which often times is caused by the selfish acts and behaviours of others). Saying that the world consists of only selfless, loving, and caring people is dismissing the pain that others have gone through, and sometimes those who wear these "rose-coloured glasses" have not gone through any painful experiences themselves (as many other people have also indicated in their comments in the previous post), and therefore are unable to comprehend the pain that others have gone through or are going through. I really appreciate how honest and open you are in your thoughts Nikki, and I also appreciate how you share those thoughts with others, as I know that it helps empower and validate other people who are also suffering. :-)

Amy said...

I think an important thing to realize is that everyone of us at many times in our lives will be a saint and at others a sinner. I think I am an okay person, love my kids, my husband and the gospel. But I have hurt a friend deeply, I have sinned because of selfishness and anger. And those around me have done the same. I think the fact that we get knocked down and try to get up again is what seperates most people from the true evil in the world. I will never stop trying to be a better person. I will still suck. I will still cause hurt and I will still hurt. This is the human experience.

Nikki said...

Thanks for all your comments.

And Barbie, I have no idea why people post anonymously...even when they have positive things to say...

Jess said...

We are all "natural men" (with all of the characteristics that come with that) so, I totally agree with you, Nikki, that humans are carnal, and selfish and all of that stuff. And like you said, our challenge on this earth is to overcome that and become more Christlike.

I was talking to a neighbor last night and we looked at 10 of our closest neighbor friends, and of those 10, NINE have faced some really difficult trials, and not just arguments or boredom, we are talking addiction, infidelity, abuse, etc. NINE of our ten friends, who all happen to be friends, whom we love, and go to church, and have good kids, and all of that fun stuff. Even still, 90% of the couples have had to deal with the evil/selfish side of humanity in their own home (and I'm sure the tenth couple will face their challenge somewhere down the road.)

And yet, of the nine, only one couple is actually divorced, and all of us have overcome those challenges and are happy.

And I think knowing that we have all been through these incredible challenges, it makes it easier to deal with, know that we are not alone and move on.

Anonymous said...

Speaking as an anonymous person...sorry, I know it grates on some, I guess I'm a big chicken. I rationalize it by saying to you blog readers that my calling/position/job/cowardly lion just won't let me comment with my name. Maybe someday.

All I know is, I love to read this blog, love that Nikki is sharing her journey with us, love that everyone has so many opinions.

Nikki, you are not jaded. Any reader of this blog would know that you are determined to find joy in the midst of your challenging and fun life. We're pulling for you. We have felt the same things too. Or we will.

I sent your original link to someone I know who is going through the same things as you and I appreciate you sharing it with us. Looking at those younger pictures of ourselves, we can see in our eyes what we didn't know yet.

The older I get, the more I know that everyone of us will suffer at some time - it may be in secret, it may be down the road, but suffering will come. We learn from it, but sometimes it still sucks. Sometimes we never make peace with our suffering. And sometimes, we turn a corner and see the next chapter and we are 'aha'. Sometimes George Strait is right and out of the clear blue sky a miracle comes into our life and our problems are solved in a heartbeat. That hasn't happened for me, but more power to you if it does.

Eyes wide open is always better. Lessons learned are valuable. Adversity can be a crock and it can be a savior and sometimes it's both.

christa elyce said...

you're blog link was sent to me by a friend. she said that you too had gone through a divorce and is always open to talk out your thoughts on the matter.

your comments...wow! i really appreciate that i came across your blog.

you're blog is helping me with my life.

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