**P.S. Writer of this question: I do plan on responding to your email sometime in the next century. I've been waiting until I had a substantial amount of time to respond, and apparently that has not occurred yet. I'm really sorry. I will be getting back to you, though. :)
Q: I have a friend whose husband does a lot of things that she doesn't know about and I am sure that if she knew, there would be big problems. Should I get involved and tell my friend or should I stay out of it completely?
A: First off, this makes me sick to my stomach. Completely, absolutely sick inside. Ugh.
Okay, now that I got that part out, I'll move on to the answer.
This is such a huge dilemma between look the other way or talk to your friend. Both come with some guilt...one for not getting involved, the other for not minding your own business. There are a lot of things to consider with this one...
First of all you need to take into account that your relationship with your friend might possibly change. What if you talk to her and she doesn't want to hear it? That could possibly make things weird for the two of you.
I know a lot of people would say "it's none of my business," or "I need to just stay out of it." And that is true to a certain degree.
I also believe that we have a certain responsibility to each other, especially as friends, to look out for each other, to give advice, to cry with each other, and also to tell our friends the hard things every once in a while that they need to hear. Like "Hey Suzy Q, it hurts my feelings when you constantly interrupt me. I just wanted you to know." Maybe Suzy Q never realized she did that, but because of a good friend she can make changes.
So what am I trying to say... umm...
I'm trying to say that I would tell her. I would maybe meet her for dessert at Ruth's Chris Steak House to have a little heart to heart (wink wink inside joke :). Or maybe I would write her a letter. And I would say to her, "do with this what you want. Once I tell you, it's out of my hands. But I care about you, and I think there are some things you need to know." This will likely not be the most pleasant conversation. But I really really really really think it would be the right choice. At least for me. I don't know. Pray about it first. See if you can get some guidance that way.
But can you imagine being in her shoes? Can you imagine your husband doing things you didn't know about, things that would devastate you, things that everyone around you knew about, but you didn't know? Can you imagine how that would feel? Would you want to know?
I sure would.
Which is why I would end up talking to her. Because I know that if I was in her position, I would really appreciate having a friend like that.
I'm sure there are people out there who disagree with me. I'd love to hear your thoughts... (though can we keep it at least cordial? I know you can do it!)